the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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