his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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