Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
