My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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