So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
where are you?
Hypothermia
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize