I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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