i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
