i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
