Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize