Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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