he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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