Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
