You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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