Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize