handjob tips. give me some.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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