If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
