I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
