this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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