The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
