i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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