He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
