barbara walters just said penis...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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