I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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