I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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