dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize