Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize