Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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