The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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