Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
