today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
