I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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