Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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