Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
