i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
