How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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