The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
