You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
