somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
