he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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