i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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