We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
