Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
