when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
