if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So much rum. So many feels.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
