Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The power of my boobs compel you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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