I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
