We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
