in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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