Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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