I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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