life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
