In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize