I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
