Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
