How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
