in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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