five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
