Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
