She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize