why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
