OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
