I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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